Sunday, October 26, 2008

I'm not quite dead yet. I feel HAPPY!

One of the blessings of not being on chemotherapy right now, is that I actually have energy. I'm volunteering in my  son's classroom again,  I actually can enjoy entertaining, and some days, I stay up past 10 p.m.  I will take my son and a friend out trick-or-treating this Friday.

The cancer is there, but it's like a dormant volcano, for now, and I'll take that. 

There are many cancer patients  who don't get to "enjoy"  the extra time the cancer treatment is intended to provide, but I do.

This wasn't always the case. In general, I'm not an optimistic person. The cynical part of me would think (about the cancer) "Well it hasn't killed me today, but it will kill me," or "I just have that much longer to contemplate my doom!"

So I wasn't much fun to be around. I needed help and I got it, in the form of pills I call my "I don't care" pills-- anti-anxiety/depression medication. Most who know me would say I needed them since birth, but better late than never. I call them my "I don't care" pills because they haven't removed me from the reality of my life-threatening illness, but they have made it possible for me to put my worries in their own basket. Also, being off chemo (for now) has made a BIG difference for me.

Better living through chemistry and modern medicine! Next look at my head will be in December. We'll see if I dodge another bullet.

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