Wednesday, September 29, 2010


cancer: I got a clean f scan first one post-radiation. Sometimes radiation scarring can look like another tumor. Next scan will be in January. Meantime, I will talk to a neurologist about possibly driving again.
Reasons against driving:

  • Seizure risk
  • sense of direction
  • reaction time
  • hearing and vision
Reasons for drivBulleted Listing:
  • I'm on seizure meds, and I haven't had a seizure since 2006
  • I wear hearing aids and glasses
  • I make short trips and my car has a navigation system
  • husband won't be here to drive me places
employment: Husband starts new job on Monday. I'm pleased he has a job, but I hope he doesn't tune out the problems that remain. He's going to have to learn how to wake up in the morning, and play WOW only when not at work. This will be interesting.

Monday, September 20, 2010

two things

The first thing is: Husband got a job. Great news! He was starting to lose confidence. One less thing to worry about as I continue to try to slow my cancer. I go in for a scan tomorrow, and I will need chemo until the cancer kills me, or until chemo makes me too sick to take it.

Which brings me to my next item. My cousin and I were having a discussion about why I'm so obsessed with being normal and why I don't think I'm normal. I have been asked this question many times, sometimes by "normal" people. It's a fair question and I will do my best to answer:
  • It is human nature to compare and contrast, but when I do that, I don't measure up. I shouldn't compare myself to others, but it seems the only way not to, is to hide in a shell.
  • When one has a medical condition, and those without that medical condition are referred to as "normal", it can be difficult to understand what normal is. I want normal without qualifiers, not "You look good (for a person with cancer)," or "I can't do that, and I don't have a brain tumor!"
I do hope to someday be comfortable in my own skin, but I've been waiting 43 years for that to happen, and I'm still not there.

Friday, September 17, 2010

My god's better than your god.

This seems to be the rhetoric of late. A lot of fuss was made about a cultural center going up near Ground Zero where buildings collapsed on 9-11-01 after planes crashed into them.

"Can't 'those people' put it somewhere else?"
" I don't want 'those people' spitting on the graves of those who died!"

Meantime a Florida pastor called for burning the Muslim holy book, then called it off, called it back on. Thankfully 9-11 passed with no holy book burnings.

Here's my take: The zealots who flew planes into building are crazy and so is the Florida Pastor.

So, if I want to believe in a higher power, where should I go? Can I be a Christian and NOT hate Muslims, or think homosexuals just need therapy? The answer seems to be no. I fail to understand why anyone who believes in any god, wouldn't allow their neighbor worship in his or her own way.

Sunday, September 12, 2010

forgiving but not forgetting.

Oh how I wish I could forget: The guys who pretended to want to go out with me, and thought it would be funny to make me think I had a chance with them. If people only knew the collateral damage words can cause. I try to rise above what people may have done to me when they were young and stupid, but I can't forget, and I'm still waiting for an apology

Friday, September 10, 2010


To those who think you have problems--

You may have problems, but I bet you wouldn't want to be me. I've been rendered stupid and ugly by my stupid illness. So I get a little sensitive when I hear people complain about bad hair days, how the iPhone doesn't work right, or obnoxious people on the tram. I have flippin cancer! It's work every day just to NOT think about death. And don't compare me to you. You are nothing like me, and your life will always seem perfect compared to mine, unless you want to trade.

Thursday, September 9, 2010

News Stories

It's a huge ego trip, but one of the things that makes working in television news fun is watching the news unfod, and gathering the news before it hits the air. When I started in news, the first Gulf War happened. I sat in a little room watching the now-famous CNN coverage of the war games.

One of my jobs was sitting on the assignment desk, listening to police scanners and dispatching news crews accordingly. Sometimes, I would work from late afternoon until the wee hours of the morning, and let me tell you, weird shit happens after midnight.
One time, I'm listening to scanners, and I hear the word "hostage". The story ended up that a young boy named Nathan Thomas was taken hostage, but police accidently killed him instead of the perp. To this day, the Thomas case is textbook case on the importance of good police communication and proper training in the use of deadly force.

Another time, I hear that a hazardous materials team is being called to a hospital, because a patient is emitting a sickening oder. It turned out that out that the woman had drunk a pesticide, and made her kids drink it too. The fact the woman was Asian was significant, because this was somehow a culterally appropriate way to get herself and her family out of a bad family situation,

When authorities were storming the Waco compound of Branch Davidians, a feed of the burning building was on several monitors. Ditto with the reading of the OJ Simpson verdict, and the resignation of Oregon Senator Bob Packwood, who was facing embarrassing sex harassment claims.

In television news, you are prasied if you come in sick. I did that one time producing the early morning show. I got a a about a fire in Aloha, a small town in Oregon. Flames were spreading quickly, and reports were that people had to jump our of their apartment buildings. I decided to call out our own crew. First I called a cameraman who lived near the scene. He responded," Eden, do you realize what time it is? This better be good." Then, I called a reporter and we decided we'd to live reports for the morning newscast. The only problem was, I had no voice, and the crew didn't want me barking information at them, such as when they'd be on the air. This story took a sick twist, when it was revealed that the fire-starter was a tween boy who somehow had the knowledge of where to start the fire for maxi mum damage. I think the fire killed eight people. Since people who work in TV news are are a sick bunch, and since the arsonist had pet rats, he was dubbed "rat boy. The new news director congratulated me for my role in covering this breaking news story(especially since I came in sick). I wish he would have remembered this when I resigned.

Monday, September 6, 2010

The Cancer Lane

I've had some time out of the cancer lane since completing radiation. I had my head shaved to even out the hair I have left with my bald spot. I have to say that there is a certain ease in having very little hair: The wig fits easier, and I don't have to dry it. Still I'm hoping it grows back.

I will merge back into the cancer lane next week, when I start my 3rd round of chemo. A the end of this month, I'll have my first post-radiation MRI. Again, at this moment, my position is, when it grows back, I'm not going to flog the dead horse again.