Monday, September 20, 2010

two things

The first thing is: Husband got a job. Great news! He was starting to lose confidence. One less thing to worry about as I continue to try to slow my cancer. I go in for a scan tomorrow, and I will need chemo until the cancer kills me, or until chemo makes me too sick to take it.

Which brings me to my next item. My cousin and I were having a discussion about why I'm so obsessed with being normal and why I don't think I'm normal. I have been asked this question many times, sometimes by "normal" people. It's a fair question and I will do my best to answer:
  • It is human nature to compare and contrast, but when I do that, I don't measure up. I shouldn't compare myself to others, but it seems the only way not to, is to hide in a shell.
  • When one has a medical condition, and those without that medical condition are referred to as "normal", it can be difficult to understand what normal is. I want normal without qualifiers, not "You look good (for a person with cancer)," or "I can't do that, and I don't have a brain tumor!"
I do hope to someday be comfortable in my own skin, but I've been waiting 43 years for that to happen, and I'm still not there.


TinaE said...

I think you are 100% normal, Ede!

HollyS. said...

I think self esteem is a daily battle for most people and it takes effort to hold ourselves warm regard when we look at our weaknesses and mistakes. Everyone has different gifts, Eden, and yours are as wonderful as the next person's.

Pat Rogers said...

You are perfectly normal for someone who is exactly like you and has shared your experiences- and there is only one of them.Having said that I know exactly where you are coming from. Being "normal" remains an issue thanks to social pressures even when you know there is no such thing.
You are too special anyway Eden to be compared to anyone else. x