Thursday, July 23, 2009

Mad World

I'm posting the lyrics to a song by Tears for Fears, because is sums up my feelings at this moment:

All around me are familiar faces
Worn out places, worn out faces
Bright and early for their daily races
Goin' nowhere, goin' nowhere
Their tears are fillin' up their glasses
No expression, no expression
Hide my head I want to drown my sorrow
No tomorrow, no tomorrow

And I find it kind of funny
I find it kind of sad
The dreams in which I'm dyin'
Are the best I've ever had
I find it hard to tell you
'Cause I find it hard to take
When people run in circles
It's a very, very
Mad world, mad world
Mad world, mad world

Children waitin' for the day they feel good
Happy birthday, happy birthday
Made to feel the way that every child should
Sits and listen, sits and listen
Went to school and I was very nervous
No one knew me, no one knew me
Hello teacher tell me what's my lesson?
Look right through me, look right through me

And I find it kind of funny
I find it kind of sad
The dreams in which I'm dyin'
Are the best I've ever had
I find it hard to tell you
'Cause I find it hard to take
When people run in circles
It's a very, very
Mad world, mad world
Mad world, mad world

And I find it kind of funny
I find it kind of sad
The dreams in which I'm dyin'
Are the best I've ever had
I find it hard to tell you
'Cause I find it hard to take
When people run in circles
It's a very, very
Mad world, mad world
Mad world, mad world
A raunchy young world
Mad world

Sunday, July 19, 2009

The Recession Blues.

Did I get a B.A.
Or was it just a bare ass
Did you get a B.S.
Or was it just bullshit
It don't matter what you learned anymore
Your skills aren't needed, so were showing you the door
That's the recession blues
Your company don't make enough money so start singing
The recession blues

Without a job
I hope you don't get ill
have a heart attack or cancer
because if you do, you'll have to foot the whole bill
That's the recession blues
You have no insurance but have the
recession blues
You'll die before you see a doctor, so sing
The recession blues

All these houses going up
with no one in them
All these going out of business sales
and no one to sell them
People holding signs saying
"will work for free"
Me. I'm on the street corner singing
now sing it with me
I've got the recession blues
hubby just got laid off
I have the recession blues
He has them too
We never thought this would happen
It could happen to you
Don't get the recession blues

Thursday, July 16, 2009

the artificial woman-pt 9

Off Rainbow went to the big bad world of college without so much as roller skating with a boy. University overwhelmed her on so many different levels. She might as well have been a bug on the wall of the big classrooms she sat in as a Freshman. And professors doled out homework as if theirs was the only class she had.

She had nothing but time on her hands to study interesting topics like Western Civilization, Literature and other classes that would prepare her for her major--Journalism. But where were the boys? Or men? Something in between? This topic had become perhaps too important to Rainbow, because of her lack of experience. Not that she was out to cause trouble, but there was a small part of her that wanted to have something to talk about in the metaphorical locker-room.

One afternoon, Rainbow and Lynn, her sister who was also her roommate, went to pick up Lynn's friend Ned to carpool home for the weekend. Ned's friend John actually spoke to Rainbow with unusual enthusiasm. But was John like James and Scott from high school and just playing some kind of joke? Rainbow pretended not to care.

Eventually Ned told Rainbow that John "liked" her. There was that word again-liked. Rainbow didn't believe Ned.

But then John called. He said he had bugged Ned for the number. Rainbow still thought this must all be a joke; Even that Ned and Lynn were putting John up to this to get Rainbow out of their hair.

It wasn't. John invited Rainbow out. But Rainbow found out that John had a girlfriend going to another school. Still he persisted to the point where Lynn gave Rainbow a talk about the dangers of HIV, and called the parents about John and Rainbow, as if there were actually news to report on that front. Rainbow had to tell her parents that she hadn't "done anything". She would "do something" between her birth and age 42, but at that time(age 18) had not.

Rainbow joined the only conservative paper on the very liberal University of Oregon campus. It was there that she met her first love Duane. He was a typical young redneck who hunted and liked to make farting noises, but Rainbow forgave him these quirks(for awhile) because he paid her attention. This was until she went to visit him over Summer Break, and she became disgusted with his hobby if shooting the raccoons that got into the dog food dish. Again. Redneck. Redder than blood.

Sad how the heart can blind one to what is straight ahead.

Other guys graced Rainbow with their attentions, if not genuine affections, Will the Drunk, Frank the Stoner. They all made Duane the Redneck look good.

Then she graduated college and left that world behind too.

Wednesday, July 8, 2009

The Artificial Woman-pt.8 --crimes and misdemeanors

It was hinted at in grade school, but when Rainbow entered middle school, it became evident that being a short and pudgy girl is a crime. She certainly didn't represent the only child in history to be picked upon, but she took negative comments to heart. If enough of her classmates implied that short+ pudgy=ugly, then that's how Rainbow thought of herself.

For example, as a 7th grader, Rainbow was waiting quietly outside a classroom, when Mr. and Miss Powercouple sauntered by. Mr got his face right into her space and oinked like a pig, causing Mrs. to burst out in laughter (what a cool boyfriend, teasing the little underclass Fat Girl). This event represented one of the most important lessons she would learn--Rainbow=pig=unfit to go out in public. And middle school (junior high) was just beginning.

Rainbow actually feared a little bit for her safety at one point, when she opened her locker and found a note, which contained an especially unflattering picture of a Fat Girl. The note read:

Dear Rainbow,

You are so fat! Why don't you stop eating and go on a diet. We understand it's hard, you can't help yourself. You're fat.

I'd watch yourself Rainbow. We know you walk home, and tomorrow we will beat you up. Gonna cry now?

The same day she got the letter, Rainbow walked home without incident. She was mostly disturbed that her privacy had been violated. Rainbow told her parents, and told a school counselor who she thought might be behind the cruel note. After that no more notes. Rainbow still wonders if her suspicions were correct.

Then in high school, without provocation, a boy named Scott, who sat by Rainbow in science class, told her to remain behind, because his friend James allegedly wanted to ask her out. Although she knew Scott (and James) were joking, they persisted. They played the same joke on another Fat Girl, too. One wonders if Scott and James would have found their jokes so amusing, had they known that Rainbow was born with her appearance, just like anyone else.

While it seemed everyone else was enjoying "normal" teen activities like dances, boyfriends or girlfriends, parties, and the like, Rainbow watched from the sidelines from her "abnormal" world. She learned that there is such a thing as attracting attention for all of the wrong reasons.

One summer, Rainbow tried eating no more than 1200 calories a day. Alba 77 shakes counted as meals, and it was not uncommon for her to eat ice cubes. Meanwhile, she followed an exercise program her cousin found in Reader's Digest. This program included rowing for about 30 minutes, running in place, sit-ups and push-ups.

At last, her final year of high school, Rainbow came back looking "normal" for the first time in her life. Classmates noticed that she had lost weight, and folks who would never give her the time of day, were now pretending that they liked her all along. It turns out Rainbow was wrong about the notion that being too thin, and wearing makeup were the keys to getting the attention from the opposite sex she so desperately wanted.

When it came time form the Senior Prom, Rainbow invited, and was rejected by two different
boys. Feeling sorry for her, her family paid Rainbow's sister's boyfriend to take her. It would
take college for boys/men to find her. No one at college was aware of her Fat Girl history.

Wednesday, July 1, 2009

What They Put Up, After They Paved Paradise

As of this writing, there are now four business set to open at The Village on Scholls Ferry, the strip mall at the bottom of the hill on which we live. I complained in an earlier post about the strip mall, and at least one of my complaints remains--it's location.

In what I believe is a misguided attempt to ease congestion around the mall, developers have done just the opposite, creating a very narrow roundabout, at which nearly no one yields, and school buses struggle to navigate.

However, in the interest of "research", I visited one of the first shops to open there, a nail salon called Moda. Here were the positives about my experience:
  • I could walk there.
  • I sat in a chair that massaged my back as my toes were being scrubbed and painted.
  • Getting both a pedicure and manicure there was cheaper than where I usually go.
  • The staff was friendly and did a good job.
Possible negatives:
  • The place wasn't that busy when I went, and nail salons seem a dime a dozen, so I don't know if Moda will stay afloat, or if it's presence will help the property values of the neighboring cluster of houses.
  • If the business does succeed, there still is the issue of congestion and noise, and how that might affect the neighboring homes.
I suspect that those who live nearby will be happy when the mall is fully operational. For now there is a lot of construction noise, and not much business yet.

Next, I plan to try the coffee shop at the "village".

The Artificial Woman- Pt. 7-doctor! doctor!

Tests needed to be performed on Rainbow to see of she had any of the heart or kidney problems associated with TS. She would also need hormones to become a woman. Otherwise, she would simply age rapidly, looking like a child.

To check the state of her heart and kidneys, Rainbow underwent an ultrasound. Doctors looked for "horseshoe" shaped kidneys, any abnormalities in her heart, and any possible sex organs. The test was surprisingly unpleasant, mostly because she had to be full to the brim with water, but not pee, in order to get good pictures. This would have been okay, if not for the fact Rainbow was VERY ticklish. The sliding of the camera over her greased body seemed like torture.

Midway through the test, Rainbow was granted permission to empty her bladder, about half-way. Then back to business.

Thankfully, the ultrasound did not show any abnormalities with her kidneys. Her heart looked normal, too, except for being oddly shaped. It also further confirmed that she had no ovaries. Her uterus (if she had one) didn't show up very well. An ob-gyn would check that out.

Turner Syndrome is rare enough that it is difficult to find a doctor who knows how to factor that into treatment. When it came time to see a gynecologist who would prescribe Rainbow's hormones, he was used to doling them to menopausal women, and not 13-year-old girls.

Similarly, as a 13-year-old, Rainbow was not prepared to be poked and prodded by hands and scissor-shaped instruments. A nurse was present as the doctor examined her thoroughly and set up a regimen of pills to help her get her boobs and period. Strangely, Rainbow was looking forward to this, erroneously thinking that once the pills kicked in, she would look more "normal" like her sister. The pills could only do so much, though. And Rainbow left the doctor's office feeling violated.

After about a month of taking the hormones, "Aunt Flow" arrived, and Rainbow's mom, Kay, proudly announced this news to Bob, who proceeded to make inappropriate jokes to his daughter, thinking that he was somehow being encouraging.

Eventually Rainbow would wise-up to the absolute pointlessness of bleeding every month, but at the time, her life as an artificial woman was just beginning.

up next: school days-crimes and misdemeanors