Friday, January 14, 2011


Depending on who you talk to, I'm either handling my terminal illness with a positive attitude and humor, or am becoming so bitter and angry that no one will want to be my caregiver when I really need one. As in--wipe my bottom--need one.

The thing is, as much as I would like to, I can't make myself feel better about my illness, let alone someone else. My perspective is that of a patient, not a caregiver. Every day I do the best I can to work with what brain power I still have left, and compensate for what I don't have.

I have had a tendency since before my illness, and certainly now, to go negative and think about the things that suck, but especially since I am dying, such thinking is counterproductive. So from here on end I will try to adapt an attitude of I DON'T in:
  • I'm not jealous of someone who seems better off than I am
  • I don't care that someone called me fat and ugly 25 years ago
  • I don't care what someone else thinks of me
  • I don't care that my career was short
  • I don't really care that I'm dying but I would like to control the timing of my passing
In other words, I am going to try to kick my shit to the curb. I don't want to take it with me.
I hope I am successful in this endeavor.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

Besides not dwelling on the negative, remember to enjoy and appreciate the positive - friends and family, music, whatever makes you feel good.