Saturday, December 19, 2009

Dear Former Co-workers.

Hello former co-workers. I want you to know that I enjoyed you're camaraderie when we were together. I hope now that you know that I have brain cancer, and probably had the beginnings of it when we worked together, that you will excuse, or at least understand, what you may have perceived as a lack of competence. You and I both gave our blood sweat and tears, and you'll probably never know how hard it was for me to come to work, day after day, and leave an empty shell of myself.

I was brought up by my dad to not be dependent on anyone else for my sustenance, so it pains me to be "too stupid to work." If you think I'm being hard on myself, ask yourself if YOU'D hire me. I think you wouldn't.

So I have one favor to ask. Assuming you read this blog, please tell me (but don't lie) if you think my contributions were valuable to the places we worked together. Doing so will help me to be at peace with the idea that I'm too stupid to work.



Tina said...

I know I never worked with you, but NEVER say you are too stupid to do anything...Please! You are a very intelligent person, regardless if you can hold a position down. I know that 100%.

Yukon said...

It pains me this is such an issue for you. I remember you working 80+ weeks "part time" so they wouldn't have to give you benefits. I remember lots of sexual harassment that you took with good humor and in stride. I remember you working your butt off. I didn't work "with" you, but am sure you made errors because even the most competent people do. You seem to think those around your walk through life with no mistakes and that you, alone, have made blunders. So untrue. We ALL do things wrong -- sometimes VERY stupid things, things we KNOW how to do, but in distraction or multi-tasking make a flub. They are not the end of the world, but we are like "what the heck?" Other times, we all make errors of epic proportion (or at least it feels that way when they happen) that sometimes we catch and other times don't come to light until later. I know NO ONE who does things -- whether large or small -- intentionally to cause harm or to intentionally mess up. Making errors happens to EVERYONE. That is not distinct to you, it is a distinction of all mankind. I see this worry eating away at you and it breaks my heart. I wish, most of all, YOU could BELIEVE YOU ARE COMPETENT, both now and then, and let go of this weight of negativity that weighs you down so... I can see a person with so many talents, gifts, abilities and a worker that most businesses would love to have. Your ethic is untouchable. And again, your nature talents are endless. You are rich as a sultan in gifts but see yourself as poor. But Eden, no one can make you believe that until you see it in yourself -- and no amount of asking for it from the outside will make you feel it until you accept it can be true of you. LOVE YOU.