Sunday, October 25, 2009

labels and disables

There are days I don't feel sick, where I feel like I have a full-functioning brain, but then my brain just stops, even while I'm doing my volunteer job. Brain just says, "Stick me with a fork. I'm done!" It can't process any more stimuli, and switches to impulse power.

The sad part is, mine may be the best brain we have in the house, and we need a better one. Husband is unemployed and can't get off the computer, I have officially earned the label of "disabled", because I went and got brain cancer. Son is an eleven-old-boy, and is making the most of his time to be selfish, and dependent, and as such has no interest in becoming more independent.

I recently asked my husband to tell me when it's time to worry (about not having work, insurance, my cancer, our son, or anything). He lives in his own world, and seems very happy there. He must know something I don't, and I wish that blind faith over to me. My little family seems to be treating the unemployment issue like it did my cancer: It's not a problem yet, and therefore not worth thinking about. I do wish I could support my family with my idiot brain, but I can't.

These are scary times. I just hope they don't get scarier.

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