Wednesday, October 14, 2009

GV update

For about two weeks now, I have been watching grandma (my dad's mother) die. These final days do not appear to be the spiritual wonder that she perhaps hoped they would be. In fact, just a few days ago, she declared to her priest, "I don't want to die!"

As of today, she is peeing blood, due to kidney failure. She is on oxygen, but is struggling to breathe. Her breath smells like poo. Her mouth is open and her eyes closed. It's hard to tell if she knows that I am there, but a hospice nurse did tell me that she thought grandma can still hear.

Since she doesn't want to go, she's fighting, and the fact she's a woman of faith is not easing her final journey. I wonder what she is fighting for. Perhaps she would like to mend fences with her four estranged children. It's clear though that her faith is not getting her through this. She may not be suffering, but if she is, she can no longer communicate it.

She has to meet her maker on her own terms, but if I were her, I would not want to live in the state she's living.

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