I was struck by two postings I read relating to cancer an/or life threatening illnesses. One was of an interview The Atlantic magazine conducted an interview with author Christopher Hitchens, who has esophageal cancer, and also happens to be an atheist. He talks about how he copes, since he does not have God on his side, as it were. The interviewer asks him good questions, such as, is he ready to accept God as his personal savior, now that he is dying, to which Hitchens replies that he is not, but, even as an atheist, he is touched by his well-wishers.

"How are you?" asks interviewer.

"...I"m dying." responds Hitchens.

Hitchens goes on to say that " I am trying to die more like you."

"You don't know how I'm going to die"

"But I'm pretty sure how I'm going to die"

I think I understand what he's trying to say; that there is a certain luxury in not knowing how you're going to die, and therefore, some oppression in carrying a life-threatening illness. To me, it's like a stalker that threatens to strike, at any time and you can't hide from him.

The other posting I read dealt with how modern medicine had changed so such a point that the ill go through the stages of death, along with their families. I have mourned my death ever since I was first diagnosed. And now that I'm acting in Tumor 2--the Sequel..I am moving toward the stage of acceptance.