Tuesday, November 24, 2009

I'm not sick

When I went to the brain tumor support group last time, I stated that I consider myself sick, because my cancer is not gone. Even my doctor has told me that I'm not out of the woods.

Two things happened after I did this. First, a man next to me with the same kind of tumor as I said he was surprised that I consider myself sick, because I look "good". Second, another man who has a a grade 4 glioblastoma said that despite his surgeries, and his current treatment, he does NOT consider himself sick.

I was humbled by the second man, because every time I "go there"-- feeling upset about the deficits I do have, I need to remember to have a positive attitude, a can-do attitude, like he has.

So the facilitator of the discussion tells me to tell myself I'm not sick, except for my brain tumor of course.

What a relief.

I truly am confused, because it's strange having a life-threatening illness that isn't obvious. I don't look sick. I'm far from emaciated, and I have my hair. Therefore to the outside world, perhaps I'm not sick.

Still my deficits are real to me, whether they are tumor related or not, and whether or not they are obvious to anyone else.

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