Saturday, January 14, 2012

twists and turns in our adoption story

About four years ago, we were going to visit our son's birthmother.  We scoured our letters from her and tried every number on the letters with no luck. The purpose of the visit would be to meet our son's half-brother.

We thought she had disappeared. Letters kept coming back to us.  We got hold of her husband's phone number and called him.  He is the father of Austin's half-brother.

Shocking news.  Austin's birth mother is in jail, but for what, we don't know.

Until she writes to say that she was in a house where a fatal shooting happened, and did not contact authorities, therefore, making her an accessory.  She asks us not to tell Austin. I'm thinking she didn't want him thinking poorly of her.

After asking a professional for advice, we kept this secret.

But Austin did a Google search, seeking information on the ethnicity of his birth name (Kantak), and his birth mother's name came up, complete with her record.

"I found out about my birth mom," Austin announces.

As he's telling me this, it becomes clear that he thinks she has committed a murder and been sentenced to die.

Oh My God!

I tell him that she was in a room where a murder happened, but she didn't do the killing, and as for her sentence, I don't know what it is, only that she's appealing.

Yes, he is upset that we didn't tell him sooner, Yes, he is wondering if he will end up like his birth mother.  He is her blood kin, but choices play a big role in the mark we make on the world.  He will not necessarily be affected by his birth mother's choices, so much as the environment in which he grows up.

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