opening old wounds.

My friend and classmate Carrie, and my mom both like the show Glee. And I've been watching it on my phone via my Netflix account. The premise of the show is a group of high school misfits in the glee club. Or, at least the members of the club are treated like outcasts. So far, I have watched every episode in the first season.

Its a funny show,(particularly the cheer leading coach) but it opened up some old wounds from when I was in Junior High and High school.

I was reminded again of how two boys pretended to want to go out with me, and when I told them to back off, that I knew were joking, they didn't. Color me pathetic, but that incident shaped me in negative ways. I found it hard to trust boys/men after that, even though I'm 44 now, and I was in eighth grade when this happened. I have often wondered why have not been able to forget about the high jinx of two stupid boys after all this time. If only my brain tumor would affect my long-term memory.

Getting back to the show Glee, one of the club members is openly gay. A female member develops a crush on him, and in doing so, inspires to come up. This scene reminded me of another embarrassing incident from my high school years. I had a friend off and on through high school who was cute, I thought. One day I approached him and he says:

"Eden, can I drop a bomb on you?"

"okay"

"I want you to think of me like you do your friend, Lori."

Oh, how humiliating, for both of us! Thinking of it now, it must have been difficult being gay in a small town (I grew up in Hillsboro, Oregon), but the straight guys weren't paying attention to me, so it was open season on our pride. I learned that you can't "convert" from gay to straight, and to his credit, he didn't try to hide it. I was just stupid, even before the tumor so I believed there was a thin chance that he wasn't.