Tuesday, April 26, 2011

opening old wounds.

My friend and classmate Carrie, and my mom both like the show Glee. And I've been watching it on my phone via my Netflix account. The premise of the show is a group of high school misfits in the glee club. Or, at least the members of the club are treated like outcasts. So far, I have watched every episode in the first season.

Its a funny show,(particularly the cheer leading coach) but it opened up some old wounds from when I was in Junior High and High school.

I was reminded again of how two boys pretended to want to go out with me, and when I told them to back off, that I knew were joking, they didn't. Color me pathetic, but that incident shaped me in negative ways. I found it hard to trust boys/men after that, even though I'm 44 now, and I was in eighth grade when this happened. I have often wondered why have not been able to forget about the high jinx of two stupid boys after all this time. If only my brain tumor would affect my long-term memory.

Getting back to the show Glee, one of the club members is openly gay. A female member develops a crush on him, and in doing so, inspires to come up. This scene reminded me of another embarrassing incident from my high school years. I had a friend off and on through high school who was cute, I thought. One day I approached him and he says:

"Eden, can I drop a bomb on you?"


"I want you to think of me like you do your friend, Lori."

Oh, how humiliating, for both of us! Thinking of it now, it must have been difficult being gay in a small town (I grew up in Hillsboro, Oregon), but the straight guys weren't paying attention to me, so it was open season on our pride. I learned that you can't "convert" from gay to straight, and to his credit, he didn't try to hide it. I was just stupid, even before the tumor so I believed there was a thin chance that he wasn't.


Chris McNaught said...

I don't know exactly what prompted it, but at some point in the last few years, I started looking at what kind of person I was in high school. I know I was unkind to people; I know I bullied people; I know I hurt feelings.

I don't remember specific incidents or specific people, other than Tamara Brown in 4th grade. She and I went to school in Overland Park, Kansas. Even in the 4th grade, Tamara still sucked her thumb. We were brutal to her, mean all the time. Of course saying "we" means I get to share the blame. I was mean to Tamara. I know I made her cry on more than one occasion.

I don't know if I was every openly mean to you Eden, but if I was, I apologize. I can't say, "I'm sorry," to Tamara, but I can apologize to you. I hope wherever Tamara is, she's been able to heal those old wounds.

I'm glad you're my friend Eden.

Eden Jones said...

I don't remember you being mean to me