tears of a clown

It's a bitch being human. More to the point, it's a bitch having human feelings.  Right now I'm having too many--feelings that is.

Just yesterday, I was marveling at the sun.  Today--right now--it's raining.  

I have made many friends on my journey with cancer. I wish I could get used to the notion that they are sick, too, but every time I hear that one of my cancer friends has taken a turn for the worse, it feels like shock and awe, and not the good kind.

I know their worry, and I have cried their tears, but what can one do when one is helpless.

I need answers, and I simply haven't found any. I will continue to try to comfort my friends in any way that's useful, whether it's laughter, or tears of a clown.